Stuck in the Middle…Delilah’s Lesson

Delilah was a princess.

I wanted a dog.  I needed a dog. I longed for a dog. I got a dog.

She was an adorable 9 week old lab mix puppy. She had sleek black fur with touches of white on her muzzle and paws plus a white streak down her chest.

For a week or more, her name was simply The Puppy.  I couldn’t decide on a name.  I picked a few names that I liked and that were yell-able [definition:  a name that can be bellowed or hollered throughout the neighborhood], and I wrote them on scraps of paper.  Throwing the papers on the floor, I asked The Puppy to choose. She grabbed her selection. Still not sure, I threw the slips of paper down again. Once again, she picked the same name…Delilah.

Delilah was a high energy, fun loving, strong willed dog. I had to earn my position as Alpha. But I loved her.  We did everything together, and she went everywhere with me.

That was Pre-marriage & Pre-kids.

When Todd and I got married, we moved to Pennsylvania.  He installed an underground radio fence for Delilah; the type with the beeping collar to warn the dog when she is too close to the boundary.

I wanted her to have lots of safe room to romp outside, so we included a huge area for her and for our new puppy, Daphne.

Honestly, I expected Delilah’s will to propel her across the line…beep or no beep…shock or no shock.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

An offensive step too close to the line, and the beep froze her to one spot. Sitting in the middle of the boundaries, she failed to enjoy the open space.

Opportunities.  Joys.  Treasures.

The yard was a dog’s dream.
But she sat…stuck…frozen…scared.
Is it safer to stay rooted in one spot?  Is it safer not to put yourself out there?  Is it safer not to be vulnerable?  Is it safer not to truly live?  Is it safer to stay down if you fall?

I mess up. I fall. I cross the boundaries.

I hear the beeping. I feel the sting. I freeze.

I feel like I am watching the opportunities, the joys, the treasures swirl around me.  While I sit in darkness. Unable to join in.

If I stay stuck, my enemy wins.

Lord, be my light in darkness.

I want to rise.

I will rise.  I will fight for joy by Your power.  You are my hope.

Micah 7:7-9
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord,
I wait for God my Savior;
My God will hear me.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
The Lord will be my light….
He will bring me out into the light;
I will see his righteousness.

Falling

The breeze is blowing the sound of rustling leaves and the feel of autumn air in through my opened windows.

The day’s frustrations lead me to imagine myself being lifted by those same winds away into the brilliant blue sky.

Another thought knocks at my brain, and the soaring is replaced by falling. Discarded. Broken. Dead leaves scattered on the ground.

Weeks before those new leaves were big, bright green and beautiful. Strong against the summer thunderstorm.

Now, the leaves have been cut off. The veins through which nourishment flowed have been blocked. The productive green has retreated.

Some will show magnificent color before their final fall to the ground. Some will simply dry and crumple.

A waste. A lot of energy to grow and to produce, then simply drop. Simply fall.

However, in their disconnect and descent, the leaves protect the tree as a whole from winter’s harshness. In their scattered litter, decomposition fertilizes the ground.

Purposeful, then, even in their fall.

My frustrations. Brittle and dry. Not my dreamy ideals.

Missteps and selfishness litter the path of motherhood.

The fall from who I want to become as I strive to follow Christ.

With Him, there is no waste. For He redeems it all. All for His glory.

The Fall is not without the hope and the promise of Spring.

Ephesians 1:7-10
In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.